Thema: Fuck My Life

[nemesis]

 

http://www.fmylife.com/

[Bloodsurfer]

Großartig

[Bloodsurfer]

Muahahaha, neeeeeeeeeeeee...

Einer der Einträge:

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her exiting her room....my electric tothbrush in her hand. FML

Einer der Kommentare dazu:

1- Get a habanero pepper, cut it in half.
2- Rub cut ends all over toothbrush, bristles, handle, whatever.
3- Wait.

Justice is a dish best served spicy.

:uglylol2: :uglylol2: :uglylol2: :uglylol2: :uglylol2:

[Chimaira]

oh mann die seite ist ja der hammer!!! ich lach mich seit 10 minuten kaputt...

"Today, my boyfriend gave me a card for my birthday and told me to open it 10 minutes after he leaves. I waited 5, in the card it said "it's not working out, but here's 20$". FML"

[der Dude]

Ich müsste mich jeden zweiten Tag da eintragen

[Bloodsurfer]

Ich hab da jetzt bestimmt schon ein oder zwei Stunden gelesen Die Seite ist genau das, was ich während der Klausurenzeit noch gebraucht habe

[Exquisitor]

Das beste, das ich bis jetzt gefunden hab, war:

Today, my boyfriend's sister called me to wish me congratulations and ask me when I was due. I said I wasn't prenant to which she replied "Yes you are, my brother just told us the good news". Long pause. "Oh wait is this Mary or Morgan?" I'm Morgan. Who's Mary? FML

[Bloodsurfer]

Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex. When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious. FML

Today, I looked on my sister's phone. There was a text from her boyfriend: "Let's go camping again, I bought more condoms so we won't make a big mess this time." Last time they went camping, they borrowed my sleeping bag. FML

Today, I submitted my picture to a rating website. It was rejected because I didn't clarify which person I was. The picture was of my dog and me. FML

Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "no that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML

Man findet doch immer wieder was gutes

[Bloodsurfer]

Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML



Einer der Kommentare dazu:

You shouldve cum on her face and said "They power of Christ compels thee!" while making the sign of the cross.

[nemesis]

Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I got her she replied "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML


Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "Be my baby's daddy!" I couldn't get out in time. FML


Today, I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to put his penis in my mouth. FML