Lustige Sprüche auf Autoaufklebern:
* Don't honk -- I'm pedaling as fast as I can.
* Comments about my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-POOP
* Caution! I drive like you do.
* If you don't like my driving, STAY OFF THE SIDEWALK.
* If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
* Horn Broken -- Watch for finger.
* If everything is coming your way, THEN YOUR IN THE WRONG LANE.
* If your rich, I'm single.
* Welcome to California. NOW GO HOME.
* If u cn rd ths u cnt spl.
* As a matter of fact, I DO own the road.
* Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway
* Forget the Whales. Save the Cowboy
* I'm From the Government. I'm Here to Help You.
* Old Skiers Never Die. They Just Go Downhill.
* Money Isn't Everything, but It Sure Keeps the Kids in Touch
* My Mother Was a Travel Agent for Guilt Trips
* If You Love Jesus Tithe -- Any Fool Can Honk
* Black Holes Suck
* This Vehicle Swerves and Hits Pedestrians at Random
* Don't steal. The government hates the competition.
* Barney is more insidious than Dianetics!
* Very Funny Scotty. Now beam down my clothes
* Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies
* I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
* The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
* We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
* The sex was so good that even the neighbors has a cigarette.
* Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
* Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
* I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
* He who laughs last thinks slowest!
* Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
* Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
* More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed.
* A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
* Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
* There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
* I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
* Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.
* Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
* I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over it.
* What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
* Assassins do it from behind.
* If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
* Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
* I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
* Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
* I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
* Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
* Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
* We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
* Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.
* Forget about world peace...visualize using your turn signal.
* I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
* Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an idiot
* If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?
* It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
* Love: two vowels, two consonants, two fools.
* According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.
* Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them.
* Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
* Warning: dates on calendar are closer than they appear.
* 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.
* Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
* Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
* Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggie!"... Till you can
find a rock.
* I like you but I wouldn't want to see you working with
sub-atomic particles.
* Auntie Em: hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog....Dorothy
* Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.
* Unless you're a hemorrhoid, get off my ass.
* I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.
* Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.
* I love cats...they taste just like chicken
* Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
* Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
* As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools
* Happiness is a belt-fed weapon
* Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
* Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep
* Montana --- At least our cows are sane!
* It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
* When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
* Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips."
* Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.
* Wink, I'll do the rest!
* I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
* Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
* Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
* Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
* i souport publik edekasion
* We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
* Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
* 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
* Back Up My Hard Drive? How do I Put it in Reverse?
* I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
* Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
* When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
* Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
* Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
* I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
* He's not dead, He's electroencephalographically challenged.
* She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower.
* You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
* I wonder how much deeper would the ocean be without sponges.
* Honk if you love peace and quiet.
* Pardon my driving, I am reloading.
* Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
* Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
* A day without sun shine is like, you know, night.
* Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
* Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
* On the other hand, youhave different fingers.
* Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
* I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
* Why doesn't Batman have a Batbeeper?
* Horn broken. Watch for finger.
* All generalizations are false.
* I brake for no apparent reason.
* I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
* Forget the Joneses, I keep us up with the Simpsons.
* Born free...Taxed to death.
* The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
* I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
* Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
* Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
* If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
* Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
* No radio - Already stolen.
* Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
* Tell me to 'stuff it' - I'm a taxidermist.
* IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
* A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
* Reality? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?
* How can I miss you if you won't go away?
* Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
Kommt ein Mann Samstag nachmittags in Bonn am Hauptbahnhof an und will sich ein Taxi nehmen. Er geht zum Taxistand und fragt den Taxifahrer, wieviel eine Fahrt nach Remagen kostet.
"50 Mark", sagt der Taxifahrer. Sagt der Mann, "ich hab aber nur 40 Mark, kannst Du mich trotzdem nach Remagen fahren?" "Nee, sagt der Taxifahrer, die Fahrt nach Remagen kostet 50 Mark." "Na gut", sagt der Mann, "dann fahr mich eben so weit, wie die 40 Mark reichen".
Der Taxifahrer fährt los bis Oberwinter (für Ortsunkundige: kurz vor Remagen) und sagt, "Sorry, die 40 Mark sind jetzt alle, raus." Sagt der Mann, "Guck mal, es regnet und es sind doch nur noch ein paar Kilometer bis Remagen, kannst Du nicht einfach ne Ausnahme machen?"
"Nee, raus!" Eine Woche später, wieder Bonner Hauptbahnhof. Wieder kommt der Mann an und braucht ein Taxi. Diesmal stehen 8 Taxis am Taxistand und im letzten sitzt der Taxifahrer von letzter Woche. Der Mann geht zum 1. Taxi und fragt: "Was kostet die Fahrt nach Remagen?"
"50 Mark." "Okay, hier hast Du 100 Mark. 50 Mark, wenn Du mich nach Remagen fährst und 50 Mark, wenn Du mir einen bläst." Der Taxifahrer wird rot und brüllt "Mach bloß, daß Du davonkommst, Du Schwein." Der Mann geht zum zweiten Taxi, und fragt wieder das gleiche. "Was kostet die Fahrt nach Remagen?" "50 Mark." "Okay, hier hast Du 100 Mark. 50 Mark, wenn Du mich nach Remagen fährst und 50 Mark, wenn Du mir einen bläst." Der Taxifahrer reagiert genau wie der erste. So geht das die ganze Reihe durch, bis der Mann zum letzten Taxifahrer kommt (dem von letzter Woche). Wieder: "Was kostet die Fahrt nach Remagen?" "50 Mark, weißt Du doch noch von letzter Woche." "Gut", sagt der Mann, "hier hast Du 100 Mark. 50 Mark, wenn Du mich nach Remagen fährst, und 50 Mark, wenn Du jetzt im Vorbeifahren allen Kollegen zuwinkst..."
A man comes to his doctor and tells him that his wife doesn't want to
have sex with him for the last 7 months. The doc tells the man to
bring his wife in so he can talk to her.
So the wife comes into the doctors office and the doctor asks her
what's wrong and why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband
anymore.
The wife tells him, "For the last 7 months every morning I take a cab
to work. I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me, 'So are you
going to pay today or what?' so I take a 'or what'. When I get to work
I'm late so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to write this down in
the book or what?' so I take a 'or what'. Back home again I take the
cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me again,
'So are you going to pay this time or what?' so again I take a 'or
what'. So you see doc when I get home I'm all tired out, and I don't
want it any more."
The doctor thinks for a second and then turns to the wife and says,
"So are we going to tell your husband or what?"